insecurities are a funny thing. we all have them. some highlight them; while others push them so far down as to not let anyone know they exist.
i think i’m a combination of the two. not that i lay somewhere in the middle, because i don’t. i have a nice balance of extremes.
some of my insecurities i am able to run with, make light of, and declare to the world. like, “yeah! i have this awesome panic disorder! i freak out, hyperventilate,
and sometimes i even believe i’m on the brink of losing my mind.” a couple of nights ago i had an episode because i popped a pimple on my chin and it swelled up to the point where i thought my whole chin was swollen. but really i didn’t know if my chin was actually swollen or if i thought it was because i had been staring at it for so long that i started to think it was swollen. you know what i mean? and then i remembered this one time my mom told me about how i shouldn’t pop my pimples because one time my grandmother did and her whole face swelled up and she had to go to the hospital and she almost died. well not really, but it was super serious. and she did have to go to the hospital.
others insecurities though, i don’t even like to admit to myself. do you think that means those insecurities are more insecure? or maybe i am ashamed of those
insecurities? i don’t know. sometimes i get to a point where i literally, throw my hands in the air and prepare to announce to the world via tumblr that i have said
insecurities. however, somewhere between the time i prepare for my declaration and actually click “post,” i lose that feeling of liberation and quickly delete everything i wrote. close out of tumblr. and begin to convince myself that being “mysterious,’ because that is what i am actually doing, is much more appealing and endearing than being completely open. like, people want to hangout with and get to know the people who don’t willingly give up all the information about themselves. people like to do the work, it makes them feel more special. that their relationship is more significant because this “mysterious” person was able to open up to them. This all makes sense, right?